HOW TO BEHAVE IN PUBLIC
No. 4—Facebook
By Nathan Floom
Have we met before? I’m not sure. Maybe it was at that thing awhile back? I saw you by the beer cooler at what’s-his-name’s place? Did we? I forgot your name. Not sure how you got mine.
We are friends now. I saw the notification pop up and YOU were there. Whoever you are. That person, from that thing, on the same e-mail list or something…
Turns out we both like the movie “Fight Club.” I can only be friends with people who enjoy “Fight Club.” The first rule of fight club is….
You poked me.
We did not do this in public when we were at this thing and you must have seen me but not asked my name. Not even introduced yourself. Your poke makes me cry out in the surprise of the sharp jab.
I don’t think it’s the other appendage that you can poke people with…is it?
But you did it. You poked me. And of course, socially speaking it is only right, as best friends who love “Fight Club” together, to poke you back. Return the favor.
I send the poke. I wait.
Meanwhile I look through your pictures. I want to figure out where you come from. What you were like in the big social timeline of your life. What year were you born? Are you a bastard child? My mom and dad got married because of me, divorced because of each other. Maybe we have that in common along with “Fight Club.”
I see pictures of old girlfriends, old boyfriends here in the last few years. This is okay with me. I like to have open friends.
I find a picture where you’re bonging that beer back in 2007 at some high school party where we all thought that someday we would be special and grow up and people would like us. Soon after that picture I see the one where you are walking across the stage in the black cap and gown, the tassel on your head.
We’re both educated people. We have that in common too.
Let’s watch “Fight Club” sometime?
I refresh the page. You have poked me again. We would not do this in public. Or maybe we would. Perhaps you deserve it.
Your status talks about how horrible your day was. As if in some way, it is important that I understand your day did not go as well as you would have liked it too.
I hover over the “poke” button, contemplating if this should really continue. Wondering if you know who I really am. If we meet in person, maybe someday, it will be great. We will see each other, and know that in the big scheme of things you don’t look like you do in the profile picture because that is what you want people to see.
In real life, you see things for exactly what they are.
Good thing we have “Fight Club” in common.
